so after a bunch of talking with you and plotting out my next moves, I have made progress.
removed the arduino mega from the equation seems the windows xp machine I had the usb serial driver for it was a joke
hooked up my arduino uno sent the grbl firmware with xloader and it took both on boards btw
hooked up the sheild to it and loaded Universal G-code Sender and we have motion!
then I tried out a few other senders grblControl seems to be a nice one in my opinion so will play with that more.
onto the next step getting the rest of the motors hooked and ready to rock.
now I have a arduino mega for another project win win.
thanks for the help